A BROKEN HEART

(Originally posted January 4, 2020)

Question: Is there ever a good time to have a broken heart?

If your answer is no, I agree with you. 

I’m currently moving through and processing the feelings that come with a break up. The sense of loss, sadness, anger, relief that goes on all at once. My heart broke the day before my birthday in December. The holiday season that followed was particularly rough, and I won’t begin to describe the hot mess that was me with on one too many tequila sodas on New Year’s Eve.

When you go through a break up, your entire life is shaken up. Even if the break up was beneficial or mutual, you still hurt.

Wake up in the morning? No text.

See a funny meme you want to send? You can’t. You both aren’t healed. enough to “be friends”.

Literally any other thing that goes with a relationship? Gone.

I have always seen myself as an independent person. I’ll go out when I want and I can take care of myself, but being out in a bar without someone who used to be “my person”?– I felt like a fish out of water.

I do not like this broken heart. But, along with New Years resolutions, I can make the beginning of 2020 a start for my personal growth. I can use January as my “clean slate” and set new intentions, process my feelings, and grow. This isn’t saying that I’m simply abandoning the feelings associated with my heart, but can at least fix my mindset.

What is meant to be will be. Everything is going to be okay. Things fall apart so new things can come together. There’s no flowers without rain. The one about being a seed in the dark of dirt just waiting to bloom. All of the Pinterest inspo quotes that I’ve searched to help me feel better. To let me know that we don’t go through hurt for no reason.

I’m certainly going through a silver hour of my life right now, but if there’s a golden lining, it’s that I will use this opportunity (admittedly, an opportunity I don’t particularly love) for something positive. I’ll make myself the best me I can be. I’ll draw more, I’ll write more, I’ll become a better friend, a better sister, a better daughter. 

So, I guess there’s no good time to have a broken heart, but whenever that is, use it to better yourself. Work hard to love your life even with the shifting pieces and uncertainty that it will always bring. Keep grinding the grind, doing the thing and being the best you can be. 

I know my glass is full even when I want to say it feels empty. 

Broken hearts heal, tears dry and smiles always come back to our faces. 

Thanks to Sabrina Kaye Photography for this pic!