A Learning Curve

When I was first diagnosed with migraine, I didn't realize how much it would affect my life, and I definitely didn't realize how it would affect the lives of the people around me. I can talk until I'm blue in the face about how many experiences and possibilities I've been robbed of, but at times, I know I need to be reminded of how hard it can be for the people who love me.

Recently, I was told by someone close to me that, on average, they thought I only say "yes" to doing activities 50% of the time when I'm asked. To be honest, I was offended and appalled that they thought I said no so often- in my mind, I'm always fighting my hardest to say yes and participate in life. If anything, I say yes too often and end up burning myself out.

This interaction left me feeling like I clearly needed to take inventory and reflect on what messages I'm sending to the people in my life. When I tell someone "no, I can't or don't want to do that today because of how I'm feeling" I'm not remembering that they don't have the years of experience coping with this kind of disappointment.

I've spent over a decade working on my ability to accept my condition and the things about it that I can't change.

My battery depletes faster than everyone else's, I'm in pain that never goes away and I often need frequent breaks or to sit out of whatever I want to be doing.

My loved ones, however, do not have all of those years living with me and migraine and the collateral damage that is left behind. Besides my parents and my sister, no one has seen the day in day out toll that migraine has had in our lives. They've felt the frustration, anger, disappointment, sadness that I have, and they have also reached the acceptance stage. Sure, my family agrees that its still a frustrating thing, but they know I can't help it. Those who haven't been in my life to that extent for that long are processing all of the same things my family and I did, but its happening years later.

It's unfair of me to expect my friends to accept the hang ups sight-unseen just because I've come to terms with them.

Those close to me are willingly choosing my company and a relationship with me.

I didn't sign up for this to happen to me, but those close to me are willingly choosing my company and a relationship with me. These points are sometimes lost on me, and I need to stop and acknowledge the love that I'm given and the patience I'm shown. In my own way, I know that I also need to be patient and understanding in return.

Wrapping this up:

• To those with a chronic illness that affects their daily activity: your loved ones are allowed to have moments of frustration when you cancel plans or tell them no. They are not, however, allowed to blame you for the way that your body has betrayed you. Try as you might, there are times where you need a T.O. or a rain check. That's okay. Encourage your friends to do the activity without you! Making them sit out will only cause them to grow more frustrated and that can lead to resentment.

• To those who love a person with a chronic illness: remember that your loved one has no control over their body. You are allowed to feel that disappointment, but do not blame them for something that cannot be helped. Don't feel bad for continuing the activity without your friend- you don't want to resent your friend for holding you back.

Give each other love! Everybody can use some more of that stuff.

(My amazing friends who made the trip up to Mammoth to celebrate my birthday with me!)